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It’s Not Cancer, Choosing Your Story and Bad Runs End

Last Updated on by Amanda Brooks

Our stories make us.
The one’s others create for us.
The one’s we tell ourselves.

This story is one I’ve been living for months, but tripping back and forth on the should I share it wagon.

Did I really want to open this emotional door again? Finally, I decided just as I did the first time around that being an open book not only helped me (something about writing is super cathartic when my runs are in the tank), but because I heard from hundreds of you that it pointed you in the right direction or helped you not feel so alone.

With that in mind, today I’m just Thinking Out Loud about the past few months and finally providing some details that help to explain all the “bad runs” that I’ve noted on social media where I share my runs.

LIFE CHANGING WORDS

“It’s not cancer.”

After months of confusion, a painful uterine biopsy and then the days of waiting, the call came that the initial labs were clean. Unfortunately, we still weren’t sure what to make of things and so it was off for more testing and head scratching.

“I admit, I’ve never really seen this before. I talked to a number of other specialists and they agree it’s extremely rare.”

Words everyone loves to hear from their doctor and yet this time around, it might not be a bad thing.

Wait, let’s back up for those newer to the blog a little history!

PREMATURE OVARIAN FAILURE
We’ll go for the bullet point version to keep make this long story a little more speedy:

  • Early 2011: Noticed I wasn’t feeling like myself, fatigued a lot more than normal and basically every run stunk.
  • Late 2011: Hair began to fall out, fatigue was debilitating, extreme bloating.
  • Doctor told me I was just stressed, but I knew more was happening. I was afraid. I was frustrated. I was stuck.
  • Jan 2012: Oddly a podcast by Jillian Michaels alerted me to the idea that I should have my hormones tested (you’d think not having a period for a few years would have done that)
  • March 2012: An endocrinologist found I was producing 0 estrogen, 0 progesterone…yes even menopausal women still produce these hormones and 0’s are nearly unheard of
  • A brain scan confirmed nothing scary on my pituitary
  • A ultrasound confirmed my ovaries were half the size they should be (now we know it’s premature ovarian failure)
  • The endocrinologist was then stumped and I knew I wasn’t crazy, but didn’t know what to do
  • Aug 2012: I quit my full time job hoping that maybe the reduction in stress was all I could do (no this didn’t work because being an entrepreneur is also stressful!)
  • Oct 2012: I stumbled upon Dr Lorenzo Gonzalez for a running VO2 Max test and learned all about this world of functional medicine and holistic health
  • Finally things started to turn around! With his help I found a parasite in my gut, recognized my dairy intolerance and slowly we started to get things on track with acupuncture and herbs and….yes rest.
  • Unfortunately for me he moved to Dallas and then I was off to Orlando, so we didn’t get to work together as long as I’d have liked!

For the last few years, it seemed as though my body and I had come to an agreement.

My energy levels were generally good unless I really pushed things hard between running and travel, I rarely had stomach pain or bloating and well I was perfectly content with how things were!

THEN I MOVED TO ALTITUDE
Seriously I have no idea if this is the connection, but the timing is rather bizarre!!

In February, to my utter surprise I found myself menstruating for the first time in 5 years. Gentlemen sorry for this portion of the discussion, but we’re talking about female hormones here and this is part of it! Ladies…imagine with me if you can the utter confusion of finding blood when you shouldn’t because according to all science it’s not possible.

Then I made the worst possible decision and turned to Google. We all know that the results of any Google search is sudden death.

But I didn’t want to overreact.
I didn’t want to cry wolf.
I really didn’t want to deal with all of this again.

I called a new OBGYN, I didn’t mention “hey I haven’t menstruated in 5 years, I’m not supposed to and I’m totally freaked out“, just sure I need a check up. Oye of course that left me completely preoccupied for the 2 weeks until my apt with pondering what it could all mean?!

Her initial concern was indeed uterine cancer.

So I gritted my teeth as she did a biopsy (yeah that shit hurt) and then drew lots of blood to start getting some baseline information.

Results: Shocking…no signs of cancer and higher hormone levels than I’ve seen since 2011.
Next steps: Internal ultrasound
Results: Shocking… I am making enough estrogen to build up a consistent monthly lining in my uterus. Consistent with a normal 34 year old, not someone with premature ovarian failure.

NOW WHAT’S MY STORY?
I’m sure some of you are thinking, big deal you got a period again. Honestly, I wish it were that simple.

Instead, I feel like I did 5 years ago.

  • Every run is hard
  • I’m nauseous half the time
  • I’m bloated most of the time
  • I alternate between wanting to sleep the whole day and insomnia
  • It’s frustrating
  • It’s confusing
  • And of course then there are days where it’s all fine and I think hey maybe this is in my head.

My hope at this point is my body is simply readjusting to the return of hormones! It certainly makes a difference in all kinds of things!

We have no idea if it will stay this way or stop again.
We have no idea what caused the original hormone stop or the return.
“We” feels very lonely because no one really understands how it feels and can’t really do anything.

Now…now we give it time. If things don’t improve, we work with an endocrinologist.

My story? I can’t control the hormones, but I can decide where my story goes in other ways.

Either way I keep running because even all these bad runs strung together are still mentally needed. I may be spending more time walking or running at a pace that looks like walking, but I’ve been here before and I know I’ll get through.

Good luck to all of you dealing with your own health issues. Just know there are others who can relate and this too shall pass!

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Category: Women's Running

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Comments

  1. mkadens1

    Crazy indeed. So sorry about the cancer scare, thank heavens that was ruled out. I'm in camp hormones myself and I can relate to their impact on running. Praying you will find a way to balance them (or whatever is going on) and feel great again. xo

  2. wendy

    Oh my gosh, this has to be so frustrating. I always joke that it's never good to be the interesting patient. It would be nice if someone could tell you what's going on. I'm so glad at least you were able to rule out the bad stuff. I hope you get more answers soon.
    My recent post Lessons Learned: Big Sur Marathon

  3. Judith

    I just went through early (not premature) menopause recently, and the whole lead up was similar to yours – lousy runs, night sweats and generally feeling off. I'm 46, so it's not unheard of, but it was still a shock. I'm on hormone therapy now, and it's getting better, although I may need to up my hormone dosing because the night sweats aren't gone and waking me up at night.

    I hope you're able to find some answers because I know I was greatly relieved when I got some.

    • RunToTheFinish

      Isn't it crazy how much it impacts your running?! The good news at least for me was once that initial bout of "menopause" passed, running seemed to get back on track, so fingers crossed for you!!

  4. Susie @ Suzlyfe

    So glad to hear it isn't cancer, and I so hope that you and the doctors get things under control. I have very very messed up hormones. It's a very long story, but suffice it to say that I am not quite at 0's, but I have been in the menopausal ranges on and off (only "off" when on HRT) since my very early 20s. And now we are starting to try to have a family.
    Hormones are a bitch, but just know that you aren't alone, though your case may be rare. There are so many out there that are fighting hard for their health alongside you!
    My recent post Thursday Randoms, Fun Findings, and Last Nights

  5. Amanda @ Running with Spoons

    :( My heart totally goes out to you, Amanda. I can't say the I've ever had to struggle with things to this level, but I've dealt with a lot of hormonal issues thanks to my eating disorder, so I know how frustrating it can be when you feel like crap and can't really explain why… then having to wait for your body to figure itself out and not really being able to do anything to help I don't even think most people realize how big of an impact hormones have on our daily lives, and I'm sending you all the best positive vibes <3
    My recent post biking madness, face swap fails, and food talk (ToL#181)

    • RunToTheFinish

      It's crazy as kids we talk about the mysterious period, but we really never learn more about all these hormones and how they effect us wayyyyy beyond baby making!

  6. thisrunnersrecipes

    Oh, Amanda, my heart goes out to you – thank goodness it's not cancer, but what a scary issue to deal with. Hormonal issues are confusing, heartbreaking, and frustrating, especially when one diagnosis suddenly seems to change and turns around into a whole different issue (I deal with some and doctors never quite know what to diagnosis – lean PCOS at one diagnosis, endometriosis at another, blah). The lack of control and all of the unknowns are always the hardest part. I hope you can find out more through work with other doctors and I admire so much your attitude of writing your story as you can and just keep moving/running forward! Sending you hugs and prayers! xoxo

  7. Mackenzie

    So happy to hear that it isn’t cancer at least. My thoughts and prayers go out to you!! Hopefully someone is able to figure out what’s going on and you can finally feel better and be more at peace with everything.

  8. Meg

    Thank you for sharing this. I really needed to read it today — I’m currently awaiting results for a pretty scary test and the stress of not knowing has me turning to Google more than I care to admit. As you mention in your post, that is the worst thing I can do! Instead, reading your story and the comments on this post are much more beneficial to my mental health.

  9. mommyrunfaster

    Oh WOW, Amanda! That's definitely good news that your cycle is back and your body is producing hormones as it should- but not at all fun to experience the symptoms. Hopefully, as you said, it's your body adjusting to the hormones again. Thanks for your honesty- and keep us posted!

  10. giannanicole22

    That is pretty amazing that your cycle has returned but I can only imagine how baffling it must be! I will say being that interesting case is never a fun thing. I just finally got cleared of what they thought to be a very rare condition. My GI was like I thought I would finally get to diagnose a case, I never have…but it's good you don't have to have surgery. I couldn't help but laugh.
    My recent post Running Recovery Weeks

    • RunToTheFinish

      HA! We're such a disappointment when it turns out to be something not life threatening :) I could tell the first doc was like well you dont' have a brain tumor, so I'm out.

  11. Kathy McElhaney

    I had a cancer scare a few years ago after a mammogram. Everything was fine, but my mom had breast cancer so waiting those 2 weeks for my follow-up appointment were the longest in my life. Glad you're not dealing with that, but it is frustrating when you don't know what is going on in your body. I just turned 52 and keep hoping each period will be my last, but this hormone crazy train just keeps rolling. Hope you start feeling better soon!
    My recent post Ford Island Bridge 10k and Tantalus Time Trial

  15. peaceloveandoats

    Oh my gosh, this is crazy. I'm so sorry you keep having to go through all these unknown changes. I hope you start feeling more like yourself soon! <3

  16. Leis

    Dang Coach! I am so sorry that you have been going through this. You know that I know all about the wackiness of hormones and how difficult it can be to find balance. Thank god you can rule out cancer!! All we can do is take it one day at a time, sometimes even one moment at a time, one forward pace at a time. Love ya and sending you a huge virtual hug!!

  19. Julie @ Running in a Skirt

    So sorry you've gone through all this! Hormones are a b@$ and have a mind of their own. I'm so glad it's not cancer but I hope they can provide you with some relief.

  20. Erica @ erica finds

    Thank you for sharing this, Amanda. I've found that women's health issues sometimes get overlooked as "high maintenance." In 2011, I went from running a 1:40 half to not being able to run one 8 minute mile in a month. I went to all kinds of doctors and got all kinds of tests. For a while, I imagine the diagnosis was extreme hypochondria (behind my back). It turned out I had a DVT in my leg and the pains and breathing issues were clots in my lungs. The good news is, my leg swelled up and my chiropractor felt the heat and sent me for an ultrasound. The bad news is that not a single health professional asked about birth control pills or history of blood clots in my family. We have to be our own advocates and as runners we know when things are "just not right."

    Very relieved to hear that it's not cancer and hoping that you can get the right balance to feel great again. :)
    My recent post Friday Five: 5 New Fave Food (&amp; Drink) Finds

  21. @cyu888

    Oh Amanda. What a crazy rollercoaster! I'm so glad to hear that it's not cancer and I do hope that you're able to find some more concrete answers. Thanks also for sharing this because it's a good reminder to continue to advocate for ourselves when it comes to our health.
    My recent post What I learned from Running in the Rain

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