Are you a couple that rarely fights? Try running together…someone gets frustrated, someone gets tired, someone huffs and puffs till they blow your little house down.
All right not all workouts go this way, but I’ve seen it happen to many otherwise happy couples and if this were a poker blog, I’d even be taking bets on the % of you that have gone through this at some point.
Since runners know that on any given day you could feel amazing or just plain tuckered out, it’s not surprising that this can lead to frustrations.
Which has lead many of you to ask:
How do I run with my partner?
Recognize up front that you both need to be clear about what you want from the run. Whether we’re talking about your running partner or running with your spouse, these tips all apply!
- Are you trying to push each other, motivate each other, provide accountability or simply be out there together?
- Can you agree on a consistent schedule?
- Will you take turns setting the route or duration?
The more you run together the easier you’ll fall in to a routine and find less need of the discussion about it. But initially, don’t feel awkward asking questions. Much better to know in advance than find yourself on an 8 mile run hitting paces you’ve never seen before and begrudging them the whole time.
Clarity around those goals can go a long ways as you’ll see in my tips below!
Tips for Running Together
Here are a few tips to enjoy running with a spouse or anyone loved one really (because let’s be honest it’s easier to be cranky with them than new friends!)…these are tips that David and I have cultivated over the years.
We don’t train together a ton simply due to different preferences in time, like he can’t imagine how I move my body at 5AM and I don’t want to start running at 7PM.
Know Thyself:
In most relationships one person happens to be the faster runner. Know which one you are and be respectful of where the other person is in their journey!
Decide on a leader:
Who feels the best that day or who has been doing more running? Let them lead the course you’re going to take.
Additionally when you’re on the sidewalk and can’t continually be next to each other it will keep you from constantly wondering if they’ve drifted off.
Hand signals:
If you’re going to turn at the corner, gesture to it and a direction before you get there. This prevents needless bump and grid or issues because they can’t hear you over traffic or music.
Discuss a goal:
Set a goal for the run before you start…is it a nice easy 30 minute run? Or are you hoping to push the pace?
If it’s a nice easy 3 miler, but you’re feeling awesome then after 3 miles say “hey I’m going to tack on a few more at a faster pace because I feel great. Do you want to come?” Thus they have the option to stop without feeling like they’re being dumped.
Communication is key to any good relationship, right?
Learn to run together without anyone feeling frustrated or left behind! #runchat Share on XMusic:
Some folks can chat away the miles..others don’t care to speak once they start running.
David and I have found a great comprise where we chat for the 1/2 mile warm up walk and 1/2 mile cool down walk, but plug in our wireless headphones during the run.
Just know before you go how the other wants to workout and be prepared to be ok with it.
Yup probably annoys him that I prefer to sip off his hydration pack when we hike and bike…but then I’m the one carrying water when we run!
Encouragement Style:
Everyone has a slightly different way they like to be encouraged.
Some people like the intense “come on you can go a little faster” and some people like me would punch you in the face. Some people like to hear “you look strong, good job” and some would give you the side eye.
Figure out what motivates you and check with your running buddy to find out their encouragement language before you start handing out “we’re almost there’s“.
Is Running Together a Date?
Some people need wine and candles, but David and I have always found our best connections while moving. Our first date was to the driving range to hit golf balls!
So to me it’s no surprise that a run, a hike, a bike ride are absolutely our favorite ways of continuing to date. But that’s us!
Just because someone has invited you on a run doesn’t necessarily mean it’s date. I’m not one who likes ambiguity, so I’d simply ask! Really it’s so much better just to know.
If it is a running date, a few things to consider before running together:
- Ask a few of the things I mentioned above like “do you want to bring music”, “are we going to keep this easy” – set expectations
- Don’t be afraid to bring body wipes and change of clothes
- Excuse yourself for a minutes to the bathroom to wash your face and clear away any bugs sticking there and then you can bust out the wipes
- Plan to finish at a coffee shop (or pizza shop if you’re awesome like us), so that you have a reason to hang out longer to chat
Do you run with your partner?
What tips would you add?
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fridica
Haha, great post! I just went on a long run with my boyfriend last Sunday and afterwards we were laughing so hard, because I always get grumpy at some point and start yelling things at him. Last Sunday's pearls included "why does your damn country have no shade?" (we were in the Netherlands and running in the blaring sun) and "why does it look so easy for you!" (he particularly cracked up at this one, as it didn't feel easy for him at all).
I'm a newish runner and he has been running for years, so he is naturally faster, but actually he is the one always telling me we should go slower – he's worried that I'll push myself too hard too soon, which is actually great.
My tips (from the perspective of the slower person :) ):
1. if one person is faster, running together with the slower person can be a good way for them to get in an easy recovery run (while for the slower person it's a good pace workout)
2. pacing is one of the great benefits of running together. if one person is better at keeping a steady pace than the other, having them lead can be really beneficial for the other person and help them in developing their feel for pace.
3. keep in mind that, just because the other person isn't outwardly grumpy, they may still be suffering. be kind.
4. agree on whether you want to take stops, walking breaks, how you should handle hydration.
And a funny anecdote for the end: for some reason, even when I am really suffering in a run, the endorphins + the fact that my boyfriend is there supporting me without a single complaint when he could be running much faster always totally overwhelm me with love for him. So it's happened on numerous occasions that, through my grimaced panting red face I'm yelling to him about how much I love him. :) Running together is really the best :)
RunToTheFinish
Yeah, D is just naturally faster than me so I definitely still have moments of how are you going so fast, you never run!
Janelle @ Run With No Regrets
Oh I can relate to this…my boyfriend and I run together and he is faster than me. Sometimes we get into it, lol! I need to keep these tips in mind.
RunToTheFinish
Yup we totally had to figure out that certain days are better…like when he's exhausted :)
RelentlessFC
GREAT post! Geoff and I race together 99% of the time. I think my biggest tips are
1) Decide on your goal beforehand so no one gets offended if someone gets left behind, and
2) don't take anything said on a run/race personally. People get hungry/cranky/tired/low blood sugar, and can get snippy. Let it go, discuss it later :P
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RunToTheFinish
Yes, racing together requires some big talks!! Are we running together, doing our own thing? Please know if I have a bad race I might be a total puss face for a bit when we finish, though I will try to be happy for you :)
Herald
This stuff could really help a lot… I've been trying to get more active and exercise with my wife but we just don't seem to be on the same page so it's really difficult to get going.
Bridget McGahen
Our struggle is that I'm a runner and he's a lifter; meaning, inevitably, I'm faster than him. I am in serious training mode right now, so we can't really run together :(
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thisrunnersrecipes
Great post! My husband and I run usually once a week together, and the rule always is that whoever needs to take it easier that day sets the pace. Better to go easy than to push too hard or frustrate the other person! We always opt for easy runs together, so that we can each still train at our goal paces and have our own workouts without compromising each other's goals – and so far that's worked well!
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Natalie
OMG running with my husband is SO difficult hahah! I think that we're both just selfish when it comes to working out together. I like to zone out and he whines whines whines :) I love these tips and will certainly try out a few. It would be awesome if we could spend time running together or working out together, since we both love doing it, just haven't figured out how to do it together!
PS – your episode on Nicole Culver's Blissful Bites Podcast was AWESOME! Thanks girl!
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Jen
This was totally a problem with my husband before. He's a faster runner so I would always feel guilty when he ran with me then if he ran ahead of me I felt like I was holding him back. Now we talk about the runs that we want to do together or separate.
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Jessica @30SMRunner
I have taken my husband with me a few times, but unfortunately he doesn't love running as much as I do. I really wish he did, because I would love the company! :-)
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Jessie @ The Acquired Sass
I've tried to take the BF on some training runs with me & he always complains. He prefers easy runs. So now, when the weathers nice, we'll do a 5 mile loop by the house & I let him set the pace. We mostly just run an easy pace & chat, which is nice. Sometimes I make him sprint the last quarter mile or so with me. Haha.
mapsley
We don't run together. Running is my thing. I need that time and space. I think I'd be a bit competitive and it wouldn't be good for the marriage!
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Amanda @ .running with spoons.
The struggle is real! I find that I’m a lot more tolerant (HA!) of company when I’m taking things easy and not in a hurry or training seriously. I think that communication is probably the most important thing, as well as laying out some basic ground rules before starting so that both parties know what they’re getting into. Also, people running with me better pack snacks :P
Kathy McElhaney
My husband has serious back/hip issues due to degenerative disks so running anything more than about 2 miles is out. We do, however, cycle together. And I’m always huffing and puffing and grunting out responses while he sings and gabs! We rode Tuesday but I took a modified route while he rode up a steep climb. We met back up and finished together. That was perfect for us!
It’s also fun when he finds me while I’m running and he’s riding. Happened today while I was running up a steep hill, I knew he was coming so that motivated me to keep moving :)
Marianela
Running or training with your significant other is a great motivator. Loved the article =)
Charlie
I love when Tom lets us run together – however he doesn't really like talking on runs (or stopping to take photos!!) so I try to ensure I keep those to a minimum to keep him happy!
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paul m.
haha the first few sentences pretty much sums it up. Rarely ever fight… workout and instantly fight. However, getting good at the motivational parts can strengthen your relationship and make working out with each other a lot more enjoyable. Nice post!
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